Redefining Success on My Own Terms: Breaking Free from Societal Expectations

Photo credit: @canvacreativestudio

Expectation vs. Reality

This was what a typical day use to look like for me:

1. Wake up
2. Get ready
3. Go to school
4. Come back home
5. Study
6. Eat dinner
7. Get ready for bed
8. Sleep

I never doubted this type of life. As a student, I believed it was the way you do things as a student. It was something I had constructed in my head: to never stop, to keep going, and to achieve good grades. My drive to be successful became a desire and then an expectation. I found myself constantly working towards the next thing.

Society's Definition of Success

Photo credit: @canvacreativestudio

I felt like this was the only way to secure a stable future, so much so that I thought taking a break was a waste of time—which is completely untrue. I never took the time to sit down and consider my achievements or even reward myself. 

I was always on my toes, thinking, "What more can I do?" or "What do I have to do tomorrow?" There was always something else to be done in my head. 

I’ve come to realise this is no way to live. Society has brainwashed us into believing that taking a break is a waste of time. It tells us to keep going in order to be successful. 

My Struggle with Identity

Being stuck in this constant cycle led to a struggle with my identity. I hated when people asked, "What do you do in your free time?" I didn’t know what free time was. I’d tell them that I usually study or do my homework, and the conversation would end there. My identity became the A+ student. I felt like I had to maintain that image to be accepted. 

I was caught in a toxic routine, balancing what my parents wanted for me and what I actually wanted for me. They wanted me to follow a safe, stable path—something that would guarantee financial security. 

But deep down, I wanted to pursue other things, like creative hobbies and making a difference in the world in my own way. The pressure to follow the traditional route kept pulling me back. It was to the point where I didn't know who I was. I often felt like I was living for someone else, trying to meet an ideal of success that wasn’t entirely my own.

Photo credit: @canvacreativestudio

The Last Push

At one point, the constant push to work harder and achieve more became overwhelming. I was on autopilot, blindly going through each day without really taking a moment to reflect on what I wanted. 

I was stuck in a loop, chasing what was deemed successful in the eyes of society, thinking that was the only path to fulfilment. But in reality, I didn't have a sense of self or identity. I had to break free from this cycle and define success on my own terms.

For me, that meant making space for things other than education and awards. I forced myself to get out of my comfort zone. Only until then, I stared discovering and attracting new creative avenues. I started putting more importance on my mental health, my relationships, and my interests outside of school. The more I took time to reflect on what mattered to me most, the more I realised that success doesn’t have to be linear.

It's Up to You to Break the Cycle

The cycle of hard work and education that many children of immigrants are told by their parents isn’t just about achieving success—it’s about overcoming these external expectations and creating a life that makes sense to us. It’s coming to understand that we don’t have to live up to someone else’s idea of success. 

Our story isn’t just written in grades or job titles—it’s written in the moments when we choose to live a life that fulfills us.

I know it may seem hard at first, especially if you're a chronic people please like me, but I did it. So, so can you. I will admit, I still struggle and question what the heck I'm doing in life. And I still have the occasional identity crisis time and time again. 

But I've come to realise that nobody has it figured out. Not even the people you look up to the most. Our journey is ours to define, and while hard work and education are important, they are just chapters within our own story. 

Reflections: What's your Definition? 

So, yes, the cycle is real, but it’s up to us to decide whether we want to follow it or create something entirely new. The power to break the cycle and live authentically lies within us:

Are you chasing a path that aligns with your own dreams, or are you simply living up to someone else's ideals?